


breathe for me

by laurenkmyers



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:07:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27635893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurenkmyers/pseuds/laurenkmyers
Summary: Callum goes home after once again being threatened by Thompson, all he wants to do is fall into Ben's arms. He's not afforded that luxury without a little fall down the rabbit hole along the way.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 2
Kudos: 57





	breathe for me

**Author's Note:**

> An coda from tonight's episode (29/11/2020) where Callum goes home and Ben sees his cut lip. No Ballum onscreen so I give you Ballum offscreen.

A blur of lights, flashes of blue, a whirring noise lingers.

A breath. Two breaths. Three. All he can hear is Thompson’s voice spitting toxins in the air.

_Two weeks. Get me Phil Mitchell, or Ben goes to prison. Make your choice._

Focus, Callum, focus. After Thompson had walked out he’d felt himself slipping into that dark place he used to go. Still goes sometimes. A tightening in his chest. Sharp and shallow breaths barely escape his lungs. But he pushes past it all. Disassociates. Get through this like he always does. 

Protect Ben.

Protect.

Ben.

_Ben._

The walk back home is a blur. He hears nothing the moment he steps through the door. Nothingness, emptiness, the tightness lifts somewhat- but not enough.

Then suddenly there’s a hand on his shoulder, tugging him back. He flinches.

“Cal, jesus- I was calling you from across the street. Dad and Shirl are still at the pub but I figured you’d be home soon and I had to see ya.” Ben whitters on, but Callum hears nothing.

His body has already registered that its _Ben_ whose touching him, and when his head catches up he sinks, falling against Ben and burrowing himself in the safety of his boyfriend’s neck, inhaling lungful’s of air that taste like home.

He still can’t hear a thing. Not a word, but he can feel the way Ben’s hands tighten around him, one on his back, and the other buried in his hair. He starts sobbing into Ben’s shoulder at the comfort, mumbling words into the crook. One phrase, over and over: **I need you safe. I need you safe. I need you safe.**

He feels himself being pulled up and out of the comfort of Ben’s arms as his head is lifted up to eye level.

“Cal- I’m here babe.” He whispers fiercely, running his thumb lovingly over Callum’s cheek as he reassures him he’s okay. “I’m safe.”

A single tear drips down Callum’s face and he looks up at Ben with a furrowed brow.

Ben looks at him, _really_ looks at him. He notices the cut on his lip almost immediately. And Callum can feel the way Ben physically stiffens.

“Who did this?” He asks, an edge of something dangerous in his tone.

“It don’t matter.” Callum sighs, pulling away.

Ben scoffs behind him. “Callum. It does matter. Who hurt you?”

But Callum is already out of earshot as he wanders aimlessly up the stairs towards their bedroom.

Ben has never been one to back down so of course he follows him into the room, pushing on, “Cal- talk to me. What happened after we got out?”

“It was Kush, alright?” The confession falls from his lips as easy as rain falls from the sky on a dreary winter’s day. A small weight is lifted. The truth comes spilling out, “He threatened you. Said he’d take you down with him if I didn’t let him go. Punched me to make it look real. Like I didn’t just let him go…”

“I’m gonna fucking KILL HIM!” Ben roars, cricking his neck and taking the stairs two at a time.

Callum dashes after him, tired of running, but even more tired of fighting.

“You can’t, Ben! Because then they’ll know. They’ll know you were involved and I can’t…I can’t…” his vision blurs again as he falls to the floor with a loud thump at the bottom of the stairs. He clutches at his chest. The sobs wrack his body as his breathing is forced out of his lungs in harsh puffs.

Ben is at his side in an instant.

“Hey, hey- babe, breathe, okay? Breathe for me. I ain’t going anywhere. Come on Callum, breathe for me.” Ben tries to calm him down, drawing patterns on his thighs to ground him with touch.

One breath in.

One breath out.

And repeat.

“That’s it, baby. Come back to me.” Ben exhales with him.

The ringing in his ears lessens. His chest loosens. The tingling in his face slows. He can breathe again.

Ben senses he’s back with him now, holds out his hand to wrap around his; their fingers slot together like a picturesque puzzle board, completed in its entirety.

Callum eventually wills his gaze up to Ben, whose looking down on him with a worried look on his beautiful face.

“I _won’t_ lose you, Ben.”

**Author's Note:**

> come and fangirl with me on tumblr: laurenkmyers


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